Toolkit #5 Tears

Well, it’s Friday finally! Thank you so much for traveling with me. It means more than you know. We had a day at work today! Felt like someone was working overtime to twist everyone counterclockwise. Ever had a day like that? I used to cry over days like that – now I cry over much more … children who should have families that love and care for them – but don’t; injustice and suspicion about someone because of the way they look, or act, or talk; families who want babies and can’t have them and teens who are pregnant and are unsure. Oh, I also cry at Publix commercials and Hallmark movies.

But Ignatius, one of my favorite “guys” said that tears were to be considered a great gift from God. In my journal, I copied these words: “I read somewhere that he mentions tears 175 times in the first part of his spiritual biography and in every single entry in the second half. Great torrents of tears. He said those tears brought him humility, intimacy with God, greater devotion, peace and strength. Ignatius considered tears to be a mystical grace.” How cool is that?

So let me ask you…when was the last time you cried? When was the last time you were with someone who cried? When was the last time you were moved to tears? When did you want to cry but fought to keep the tears away? Why do we always dab our eyes with our fingers – are fingers absorbent? (ok – I really just wonder about that!)

Let me challenge you: go ahead and cry! Remember Jesus when he was with Mary and Martha? Lazarus was in the tomb – dead – and “Jesus wept”. I have often wondered why he wept…because no one really understood who he was? Because he would have to bring Lazarus back to this earthly world? Because he loved Mary and Martha and Lazarus? The important thing for me is that he showed his humanity: Jesus wept.

Two other thoughts to sit with:
"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again." ~ Alex Tan

"Anything can be cured with Saltwater - Tears, Sweat, or the Sea." Isak Dinesen (who wrote Out of Africa)

Now, just one more “word”…are you still practicing the habit of the examen? If so, here are 2 other ways of praying the examen. You might be interested to try:

When did I have the greatest sense of belonging to myself, other, God and the universe?
When did I have the least sense of belonging?

When did I give and receive the most love today?
When did I give and receive the least love today?

Toolkit #1 Discover the Examen

Marcus Buckingham is a guru in the buisness world today. His work centers on finding your strengths. Fining the things that make you feel strong! All his works have been on the best seller list. I particulary like his DVD series, Trombone Player Wanted. I'm betting he has learned about the beauty of the examen somewhere along the path of his life.

The examen is one of the greatest gifts of the work of St. Ignatius. It was revealed to him during a period of convalescence - he noticed that somethings he read (or did) left him with fulfilling feelings and these feelings stayed with him a long time. He also noticed that other things he read (or did) gave him positive feelings for a while - but did not stay with him. Ignatius became aware of how good feelings changed his daily outlook. He also became aware of how negative thoughts and emotions affected him. He named these experiences and developed a practice of evaluating the activities within a day so that he could make conscious choices for positive living or living the life God most wanted for him.

He gave the deepest feelings and yearnings of God the term 'consolation' and for the negative feelings or non life giving feelings he used the term 'desolation'. In today's language we might use words like 'strong' or 'weak'. The examen is a process of becoming aware of the events in your daily life that enable you to live your best life. The examen can be done by yourself or with another. It can be done at the end of the day or in the midst of the night. It creates a space within your life that is aware of the people, relationships and activities that make you feel strong. The examen also allows you to be aware of the people, relationships and activities that get on your last nerve.

The examen is life strengthening because it allows the acknowldgment of pain as well as the reception of the love and life that are often taken forgranted in a busy, daily life.


Here's the process:
Light a candle. (I like to do this because it separates the space for me, I also really like candles because I am reminded of the presence of God)
Become aware of God's loving presence.
Spend a few minutes in quiet while reflecting on the following questions:

For what moment today am I most grateful?
For what moment today am I least grateful?

OR

When did I feel most alive today?
When did I most feel life draining out of me?

You can write your responses or not.

You can speak your responses aloud or not.
You can do this by yourself or with another.

To increase your toolbox, practice the examen, each evening during this first week.

If you want to read more about this try the book: Sleeping with Bread, Holding What Gives you Life; Paulist Press.